Moving On

My last post showed my Thanksgiving visit to Arizona and pictures with Bonnie & Morgan. I surely enjoyed my visit down there. Truth be told I would have enjoyed staying longer and basking in the warm Arizona sun but Harold wanted me back in Utah where he could keep a close eye on me. I wasn't feeling too well when I got back so Harold hauled me up to the VA again in Salt Lake to have me checked out. They wanted me to stay a few days so they could check out my ticker. They said my congestive heart failure was getting worse and they wanted to know Y. (A little Sesame Street humor there for you grandkids). Well, I've been living with CHF for 5 years anyway and I've been able to keep it under control with medicines and blood tests but I was getting real short of breath and my feet and ankles were getting all swollen and the medicines just didn't seem to be working as well as they used to. Anyway they kept me in the VA hospital a couple of nights and ran a bunch of tests on me and finally told me my aortic valve was all calcified and only opening about a fourth the size is it used to. So they told me I had three options. One was to have heart surgery and have the valve replaced. The second option was to have them stick a balloon in my artery and push it up to my heart and blow it up so it would expand the heart valve and help my heart pump easier. The third choice was to take some higher dosage of that pea medicine (the docs call it diuretics), but it sure makes you pea alot so the fluid doesn't build up in your body and make your heart work harder -- and then let nature take its course.

Well, I've always said I didn't want to live as long as my Dad and options one & two didn't sound very comfortable to me so I chose option three. Harold set up some hospice care here in my apartment in his basement and I've been doing "pretty well for a Kid of 97" but I have noticed I don't have as much energy as I used to. I had to stop using my cane and use a walker and I can't climb the stairs anymore to eat dinner with Harold & Verla. I figure I've earned the right to sleep as long as I want to and eat when I want to so that's what I've been doing. I have a home health aid who comes in once a day, five days a week, and helps me take a shower and gives me back rubs. Hey can you believe he wants me to take a shower every day?! We compromised on every other day.

I wanted to go to my sister Carrol's birthday party on December 10th, the day after I got home from Arizona, but my stomach was upset and I just didn't have the energy to get out. My sister Jean had driven down from Idaho for the party and along her way had picked up my brothers Clarence (in Twin Falls) and Ned(in Tremonton). My sisters Freda and Alice live here locally so they were there also and had a grand old party for Carrol. The next day they all stopped here to say hi to me and visit. It was so good to see them again.

I got home from the hospital on December 17th and things were going pretty well. I wasn't winning any races but I got up and watched TV on a few days. I did get out to Sacrament meeting on the 20th but some days I just didn't feel like getting dressed so I didn't. Christmas came and went but I didn't feel like celebrating much. I missed my Naomi. Some days Harold would hear me on the intercom saying, "O dear me, where are you, my Naomi?"
News Years came and went as well. I have long since stopped celebrating New Years Eves.

I had more visits from family. My son Jim and his wife Laurie and their family have stopped to see me several times. I'm afraid I may have scared Laurie and Lachelle one evening when they were here. I was lying in my bed as we were talking and I was kind of fading in and out of the conversation because I was so tired. After a few seconds of silence my eyes popped open and I said "Who died?" Laurie and Lachelle, I'm sorry if I scared you. Some day we'll all have a good laugh about it and I'll be able to tell you what I actually saw that evening.

Last Sunday, January 17th, all my sons (except Morgan) and my favorite daughter (I only have one, so she has to be my favorite) were here to visit with me. Morgan couldn't make it because his wife Jean was in the hospital with a nasty infection. Jean, we hope you are recovering well now. Anyway it was good to see most of my family last weekend. I guess they know my days are numbered on this earth. I was grateful for the priesthood blessing that my sons gave me Sunday night. My oldest son Victor Leland Jackson gave me the blessing. It gave me a peaceful assurance that I can leave here anytime I want.

Well I decided today, Sunday January 24, 2010 would be my time. It's just 4 days before the 22nd anniversary of my Dad's death. Just think, I'll be able to celebrate Naomi's birthday with her next month on February 20th. But I'm told that time doesn't mean much in the spirit world so I'll have to tell you later how much celebration there was. I was too weak to go to church today. In fact I didn't even get out of bed until after noon. I got to coughing so hard after Harold gave me my morning medicine at 9:30 that I lost my cookies - only there weren't any cookies to lose. Fortunately, Harold had the burp bucket handy and was able to catch what was there. After that I laid back in bed and rested pretty much all day except for getting up a couple of times to use the bathroom. Harold gave me some gatorade through the afternoon and evening and Jim's family stopped by again about 8:30. I wanted to sit up and greet them so I sat on the edge of my bed. I visited with them for a few minutes and gave them all a hug before they left. After they left I felt like eating so I got up and ate a small plate of mashed potatoes, gravy, minced ham, and zuccini. I hope they have mashed potatoes and gravy in heaven because I love them so. Then I had a canned peach half for dessert. Harold helped me get up from the table but I was able to walk back to my bed with my walker. I sat down on the bed and Harold helped me swing my feet up and get under the covers. I rolled on my side and asked Harold to get me something to eat. He reminded me that I had just eaten. Then I asked him to give me a drink. So he gave me a drink of water with a straw - just a few sips to wet my whistle and I said, "Thank you, thank you, thank you." Then Harold went upstairs and had his evening prayers with Verla. In her prayer she asked Heavenly Father to help me make the transistion out of this life as soon and peacefully as possible. And I am happy to report that He answered her prayer and those of many other family members who have been praying for me. When Harold came down to check on me to see if I needed any pain medicine, I was gone. I had already said my goodbyes and I was eager to go. I want you all to know that death is nothing to be afraid of --- if you know that Jesus is the Christ. In closing I want to bear my testimony to all who knew me or that my read my blog. "I know Jesus Christ lives. He died upon the cross for each and every one of us. I know Joseph Smith was a prophet of God and instrument in God's hands in restoring the true gospel of Jesus Christ back to the earth. And I know that all the presidents of the Church have been prophets and that we have a living prophet to guide and direct us today, President Thomas S. Monson. See you on the other side!